I'm feeling a lot of guilt lately. Guilt that I'm not more excited to be pregnant, guilt that I feel like I messed up the plan, guilt for feeling guilty, guilt for getting pregnant and not being more excited when I know so many women would give most anything to exchange places with me. I know a lot of it is silly...and I know that...but it doesn't change that that's how I feel. I know without a doubt that things are going to be ok, better than ok really. Getting pregnant with Landen was in no way in my "plans" and I've said for years that it is without a doubt the best thing that has happened to me. Both of my kids bring so much to my life, happiness, frustration, laughter, and I've learned so much about myself from them. I know that this next baby will only add to all that we have as a family. I'm just honestly having a hard time wrapping my brain around it all. I don't know if my anxiety issues are playing into it or if its just "normal". People keep saying very sweet things and are so excited and honestly it makes me feel more guilty that they seem more excited than I am. I know I've only known for about 3.5 weeks now so its all new...I know there is plenty of time. I just don't want to be 7 months pregnant and finally "ok" with it.
I'm showing already. This picture is actually a week or so old, I think I was about 6 weeks in this picture and I'm about 7.5 now. (and yeah, I know I should have closed the toilet seat first...Landen had just gone to the bathroom and I didn't even notice.)
I think once the excitement and nerves of finding out you're pregs and then telling everyone wears off, to be honest, until near the end, things get kinda "meh". Life goes back to normal, mostly, and aside from the occasional sickness or whatever, you generally don't notice much. I'd say THAT is what you're experiencing more than anything. You'll get excited when appropriate, but you can't stay in a tizzy for 9 months, your nerves would be shot. :)
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