Mom Guilt.

Mom guilt. Why???? Why do moms put so much pressure on themselves? Seriously. It's RI-DICULOUS.  Here I am nursing my 20 month old and feeling GUILTY that I REALLY want her to wean.  Not just for convenience or anything either. I am tired. I miss my medications that make me feel NORMAL. I want to be able to brush my hair without 1/4 of my hair falling out. I want to be able to roll over when I sleep.  Have I weaned her? No. Why? Because I feel guilty. Maybe also because I feel like its the biggest bond we have and she's such a daddy's girl she probably won't need me anymore once she's weaned. (Again, I'm ridiculous.)
I like to vedge. How do you spell that? Veg? Vedge? Vedg? Whatever. I am sort of vegetable-ish.  I like my down time. When I'm on my phone or computer or reading...do you think I'm enjoying it? No, not really. Most of the time I'm thinking about the 1.45 million other things I feel like I SHOULD be doing. 
I also like to try to dad guilt my husband. OMG YOU ARE ON THE COMPUTER AGAIN!?!?! UGH. BIG HUFF.  Why?? The man deserves a break. Yeah, sometimes the breaks are a little long ;) but seriously, does it really matter?  Yes, we need to re-prioritize a bit because we have ALL become a little too lazy and into the electronics but that's a FAMILY issue, not him.
So anyways. Mom guilt is NOT cool. Why do we do this moms?  Why do we feel like each day has to be full of learning activities desquised as fun (who are we kidding?!?! not the kids) while eating homemade from scratch meals (paleo! no vegan! no! grain free!! no dyes!!! no msg!!!) around our impeccably designed homes that are immaculate?

We. Are. Ridiculous.

Be lazy. I dare you.

Thats what she said Friday

"WE DON'T SWIFFER OUR BROTHER!!"

"MY BOOBS ARE NOT TEETHING RINGS!!"

"WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO CRAWL BACK INTO MY VAGINA???"

"Scooter is in to S&M" 

Its been an interesting day. 

Three weeks in

Well we've been in Louisiana for three weeks now.  So far, so good! The transition has actually been much easier than I thought it would be.  My MIL came and stayed that first weekend and I think it really helped the kids to have something familiar.  The kids are embracing their new surroundings.  They have helped build a fire pit in the backyard and LOVE roasting weenies around it.  That's some great memory making potential right there.  Owen has decided he wants to kill a squirrel and eat it. Yeah.... He really misses his BFF, Aaron, but so far there haven't been any breakdowns thankfully.  He is definitely on an emotional roller coaster some days.  Night time comes and he turns into the demon spawn. Just kidding. Sort of.
Kennedy is loving the space she has.  I knew she'd do well.
Landen has made a new friend, Emma. She is a doll and will definitely keep this boy on his toes.  He's enjoying facetiming (THANK YOU TECHNOLOGY!) his bestie, Brenden, and showing him the new place.
Speaking of Landen....he has completely and totally surprised me in so many ways lately.  The first day or two we were here he was down the street knocking on doors looking for kids to play with. MY KID?! No way. For one, that is something I would NEVER be able to do, even as an adult.  Two, this kid used to super glue himself to me anytime I tried to introduce him to a new situation.  I was SO proud of him that day.  He has really been quite the "go getter" when it comes to making new friends.
Yesterday we went to a local strawberry farm with a homeschool group.  This group is a field trip group, doing a trip or two a month.  This was our first trip with them and I was NERVOUS. Like....I almost peed my pants.  The boys were too, obviously, by their nervous, bouncy energy when we got there.  Being rambunctious and getting into trouble (MY KIDS?! Never!!).  It subsided pretty quickly and Landen had a friend or two to play with. I really enjoyed several of the moms and felt silly for being so nervous.  Even being a large group, it wasn't overwhelming or unfriendly.  After the strawberry picking they did a little history on the farm and farming in general.  The woman in charge asked a question of the kids. Landen raised his hand and answered.  I did a double take. MY KID?! No way.  Again, so dang proud I couldn't stand it. He surprises me everyday.  I love that kid...he's crazy...and challenging...and drives me B-A-N-A-N-A-S but he is AWESOME.  I love seeing him grow up and become more confident in himself.  At nine years old he is more daring than I am as an adult.  He definitely teaches me as much as I teach him.

       Landen, Darius (aka funniest kid I have yet to meet), and Owen thoroughly enjoying their strawberries.

                                  Kennedy and I at the farm. Selfie, I know, but I wanted a picture.

                                                     Landen showing off his strawberries.

                           Landen offered to push Owen on the swing. It was an "awwwwww" moment.

                                                     Kennedy was in strawberry heaven.

                                               Not at the farm (in our backyard) but a cutie.

 

Oh yeah, Owen's fish died...either from trauma from the five hour car ride...or me putting too much water conditioner in his water...sooo Owen got two hermit crabs. Here's Hermie. The other is Hermbot.  Owen loves them and is actually taking really good care of them.  I just want them to get bigger so I can dip them in some melted butter. 

Anyways, there is a small recap of the past three weeks.  My mom and Rich are coming to stay with us soon and I think we are all pretty EXCITED about that.  I think we're going to go to the zoo and probably eat a lot of good food.  Fun. Times. :)

See you later

Today was the beginning of "see you later" for us. We aren't saying goodbyes; I refuse to believe we won't see these people again. It was our last official day with our homeschool group. Hopefully we will see them on our visits to Texas. Hopefully through Facebook we'll keep in touch.
This group came along at a time I needed friends. That I needed like minded moms to talk with. In person. I needed other women who were on a similar path to laugh with. I'm sad to leave even though I know this is the new path for my family. I'm actually having a hard time forming my thoughts into words and hopefully this makes some sort of sense...as much as I ever do at least. I'll just leave with this short note:
You ladies have been a constant encouragement to me over the past year as women, friends, teachers, and mothers. Thank you so much for every bit of advice and every joke...I needed them all! I'm going to miss every one of you, and your awesome kids, so much. Louisiana has some big shoes to fill! Y'all have really been a source of sanity in my crazy, little people filled world! I hope at some point I was able to make you laugh, or help you in some way.
Thank you for being my friend.

Dear who ever buys this house,

This house isn't perfect. We probably did some things wrong...I probably got some paint on the ceiling somewhere or forgot to finish something ...but we did in with love and we loved living here. You will have the best neighbors. If you have kids they will make life long friends. The people across the street will feed you if you walk over and say hi (and they always have beer). This was our first home and where our family really became a family. We brought two babies home here. Two of our kids learned to ride without training wheels. One was potty trained here and might have peed on the floor by the door. Most of all, I hope this house holds as many memories for you as it has for us. I hope you look passed the short comings and see the good. I hope you laugh more than you yell (besides, the neighbors can hear you). I hope you appreciate the hard work we put in and do some of your own.
We have outgrown this house and are moving on...but I will miss this house, this street, this group of friends we've made. I'm glad we have a bit longer.

Wednesday

We're starting school on Wednesday. 
I'm hoping to blog once a week. I'm being realistic here. Not everyday. Once a week.
Maybe posting this will keep me accountable.
99.9% of pictures will probably be from my cell phone.
Oh well.

Some days.

Being a mom is hard. I guess I had some notion that there would be more unicorns and rainbows involved. Or glitter. Or something. The only shiny thing lately is the shine of sweat and oil on my face because it needs to be washed.
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE being a mom but it's NOT easy. It doesn't get easier after the first one either. You may know what to do when the baby has a fever this time but managing not only your own life but that of another...that part doesn't get easier. Some days we eat junk food all day and don't get dressed. Gasp. Some days I yell at my children more than I talk to them. Get on to them more than I hug them. Some days I tell them I'm changing my name so I don't have to hear MOOOOOM one more time and I'm not telling them my new name either!! Some days I just don't want to be a mom honestly.
Of course there are days that I sit there amazed by these little people I helped create and can't imagine being anywhere else. I always FEEL that way but I don't always think those things. I don't think any of these things make me a bad mom, although I'd be lying of in the moment I don't feel that way. Being a mom really is amazing, don't get me wrong, it is, but it's not a sitcom. At the end of the episode, it's not all singing and dancing and friends again. Sometimes you count down the minutes until bedtime and sometimes you turn the tv on so they will stop talking to you. It's true. I know it sounds bad but don't judge me if you don't have kids. If you do and you're still judging me. Shut up. You aren't perfect either.